How to cook a 3 course meal to impress your lady for men who cant cook

I cannot cook to save my life, however one day I thought I would attempt to cook a meal for my wife and I. We were going to have a romantic evening in and in all fairness I was feeling, shall we say amorous!!!

Now I have to explain why I chose to do this, the answer is simple it was a Saturday, the wife was going shopping with her mother so I knew they would be out all day, the other factor affecting my decision is  that it was pouring with rain and the Golf Course was closed.

What was I going to do with myself, cook or housework? by the way the football season had finished and there were no other sports on TV of any note. So I picked up a recipe book and decided on what I considered to be a challenging menu (with a little cheat) more about that later.

What I achieved that day was extremely rewarding(particularly later on in the evening ,if you get my drift)  and I actually enjoyed myself. So this is how it goes read on.

 Bottle of Champagne accompanied with crudites and garlic dip.

STARTER

Homemade Chilli Chicken Liver Pate with Melba toast

MAIN COURSE

Homemade Spicy Spaghetti Bolognese with Garlic Bread

DESSERT

Homemade Sticky Toffee Cheesecake

AFTERS

That depends on how well your meal is received

I suggest that you serve a nice bottle of Chianti wine with this meal

I know what your thinking, how on earth am I going to cook this, well let me tell you it is dead easy, remember you ladies reading this that my menu is aimed at men who cant cook!!

You have to admit its pretty impressive, and the good news is it can all be prepared in under an hour, the only thing that needs cooking just before serving is the spaghetti.

So let me take you through the procedure and the recipes.

 

 

INGREDIENTS

1/2 lb(225g) chicken livers

1 oz(25g) butter

1/2 medium onion, skinned and chopped

1 garlic clove skinned and crushed

1 red and 1 green fresh chilli finely chopped

3 tbsp(40ml) fresh double cream

1tbsp(15ml) tomato puree

1tbsp(15ml) brandy

1 tbsp(15ml) chilli powder

salt and pepper

METHOD

Clean the chicken livers and dry in kitchen roll (that means rinse them in water until all the blood is removed).

Heat the butter in a saucepan till melted(do this on a very low heat) add the onion and garlic and cook for about 5 mins until the onion is soft. Add the chicken livers(turn the heat up a notch or two) cook for a further 5 mins.

Let this cool for about 20 mins or so, have a fag read the paper or do some prep for your other dishes , or even write a post on how your getting on.

Once cooled add the cream, tomato puree, chilli powder and brandy. Season with Salt and pepper, I recommend 1 teaspoon of each.

Now the good bit stick it all in a food processor or blender and Blitz it until it turns into a paste. At this point add your freshly chopped chillies and mix in well with a spoon. Transfer the lot into a serving bowl and put in the fridge for at least two hours.

When you come to serve the pate you can add a sprig of parley to make it look pretty.

MELBA TOAST

This is so easy yet my wife didn't know how to make it,but then again she cant cook, oops I hope she does not read this!

Okay toast two slices of granary bread (healthy option) but I think it tastes better, once toasted on both sides cut off the crusts, then cut the slices in half. now the tricky bit, you need to cut down the middle of the toasted sides i. e the soft bit in the middle of the toast.

You now should have 8 oblongs each with one side toasted, put them under the grill with the not toasted side facing up, grill until browned, you should see the sides curling up. Voila you now have Melba toast. this is best served cold so it doesn't matter when you cook it.

My wife and I like our food hot and spicy so we use quite a bit of chilli, you can add more or less or don't use any the pate is still great if only for the fact you made it yourself.

Starter complete.

This recipe is my own modified from various others, a lot of the recipes have weird ingredients that aren't in your cupboards.

INGREDIENTS

10 oz(300g) lean minced beef

1 medium onion skinned and chopped

1 tin of peeled and chopped tomatoes

4 cloves garlic skinned and crushed

2 oxo cubes

1 tbsp(15ml) Worcester sauce

1 tbsp(15ml) chilli powder

2 tbsp(30ml) olive oil

salt and pepper

4 oz(125g) spaghetti

1 tbsp mixed herbs

I small crusty baguette

1 oz(15ml butter

METHOD

Heat the olive oil into a deep frying pan, add the onions and 3 garlic cloves (on a low heat) cook for about 5 mins until onions are soft, add the minced beef (turn up the heat a couple of notches) cook for a further 5 mins or until meat is brown.

Remove from the heat and add the tomatoes ,chilli powder,worcester sauce and the mixed herbs. Season with salt and pepper.

Return to the heat and cook on low for 30 mins, with bolognese the lower the heat and longer the cooking time the better it is. Some Italian chefs take 8 hours to cook a bolognese sauce. They cant be very good cos I can do it in half an hour.

There that's your bog sauce done, now it is equally as good without the chilli if your not into spicy food.

GARLIC BREAD

Mix the butter and your remaining Garlic clove together into a paste, add a bit of dried parsley if you like.

Cut your baguette in half and spread your garlic butter on both sides, the soft side of course. Stick it under a grill until browned.

SPAGHETTI

Bring a pan of water to the boil add a dash of olive oil, break your spaghetti in half and put it in the pan.

I think it takes about 15 to 20 mins to cook, but the fun with spaghetti is that to check if its cooked you throw it at the wall, if it sticks then its cooked. A word of warning, it makes a right mess of the walls. Alternatively you can squeeze it and if its squidgy then its cooked.

There you have it perfect spag bog with garlic bread !!

Now here's the cheat lets face it guys your probably worn out with the previous hours cooking so I suggest a little cheat. BUY a frozen cheesecake and make it look homemade, Ill show you how.

Go to your local store, I particularly like Iceland, buy a cheese cake, take it home remove it from the packaging and destroy all of the packaging, DO NOT LEAVE ANY SIGNS OF THIS PURCHASE, it could ruin the whole night. Remember to destroy the receipt. Once you have removed the evidence let the cheese cake defrost.

Once it has defrosted mess up the topping and sides a bit, we don't want this to look professional, put it on one of your own serving plates. put it in the fridge until time to serve.

Remember the fairer sex expect us to make a mess in the kitchen, I suggest you wash all the pots and pans from the spag bog and pate, but here's the thing, get a digestive biscuit and crumble it. Strategically place a few crumbs so it looks like you've made an attempt to clear up but haven't done it properly,(this is expected of you so don't concern yourself about getting in trouble), Now if like me you get the toffee one, get a small frying pan and melt some sugar in it,add a smidgen of butter,melt the mixture and then throw it away. DO NOT WASH THE FRYING PAN, this method produces a wonderful smell of toffee, add this to the biscuit crumbs, ooh by the way eat some of the cream you have so it looks like you've used it.

if you want a lemon or other fruit type of cheese cake then just add a bit of the fruit or essence to the sugar, same result but the toffee works best.

Now you have to brazen it out when the immortal words "you never made this" happens i used the " no your right darling I didn't make it it just appeared from nowhere, you know I was slaving over a hot stove all afternoon trying to make something nice for you and I opened the fridge door and there it was it must be magic"

You have to look and act offended, they will then think ok he's made the effort I'm not going to spoil the evening, they will then try to gather evidence that you didn't cook it, and hey presto one visit to the kitchen and they will believe you did cook it!!!

Brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!

Critical to this is creating the right ambiance, you know the little touches, now you will know what your lady likes, but here's a few things I do.

Lay the table niceley, get the cutlery in the right place, proper napkins etc

Scented oil burner or candle in the middle, etc.

Hand write the menu and attach a single rose to it or similar.

Dress smartly, a bit of aftershave, not too much you don't want to over power the smell of the toffee.

Make sure you have HER favourite music playing.

The rest is up to you.

 To summarise they key to success here is the planning, make sure you go shopping early, don't forget the;

Champagne

Wine

Bread for toast

Baguette for garlic bread

Before you go shopping make a list .

I cannot stress enough how easy this menu is, trust me if I can do it any one can. If I have forgotten anything then your going to have to IMPROVISE!!

Enjoy

Toby